Here are the possible mistakes that parents might be doing if their child has a tantrum
Parents might have no idea they are doing these mistakes in dealing with their child who is having a tantrum.
It is just normal for kids to cry for certain reasons. Sometimes they do this to get the attention of others or if they want something. This natural act of a child may vary in intensity but it is important for parents to know how to deal with this properly.
Here are the common mistakes that parents should avoid doing if their child is having a tantrum, according to Mommy Messenger:
Talking too much or lecturing
A child cannot rationally process the words you are saying much as your lecturing when they are in this mood. Instead of talking too much, give your child a hug or just put a hand on their shoulder or arm. If you can’t establish a physical connection to your child, at least say things basing on their level and keep calm. Then, put a label to what your child feels such as, “You feel very angry because you can’t have that new toy.”
Kids will just feel angrier when they will hear you yell at them. Logical solutions will not be processed because when you yell at them, this enrages their downstairs brain which then closes off access to the upstairs brain. Gain back your composure by taking a quick time out and breath before going back to dealing with your child.
Trying to stop the tantrum
If you don’t stop crying, you won’t get any dessert tonight!” or “If you stop crying we can go play outside together!” are just two examples of manipulating or negotiating to what your child feels. However, this is incorrect because it can lead to other issues and the goal of building emotional regulation skills is not being accomplished. Don’t stop this mood of your child. It is normal and healthy. It also shows that your child needs some help in sorting out their feelings.
Ignoring and devaluing what they feel
If you ignore the tantrum, there will be no teaching that will happen. Your child will not learn anything. Saying to them “calm down!”, “stop crying!” or “it’s not a big deal” are just like equal to saying that what they feel is invalid. Instead of doing this, make them feel that they have your support as their parents, whatever feelings they have.
Uncontrolled physical punishment
It is written in the Bible in the book of Proverbs, chapter 13, verse 24:
“He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.”
If it is needed, physical punishment can be done but it must be controlled. Don’t make this as your excuse to let out your anger to your child. Be reminded that this must be done to teach them according to the Holy Scripture. However, too much of something is bad. That is why parents are reminded to do this sometimes.
If not most of the time, sometimes, parents would just give what their child wants in order to appease their raging feeling. However, this will just make your job as a parent harder in the future. Instead of just giving in to what your child wants, offer help to them or say yes to what they are asking but with a condition. Here’s an example, according to the article:
Child: “Can I have some ice-cream?”
Parent: “Yes! You can have some delicious ice-cream after dinner tonight!”